I was playing street hockey on our driveway with my son today. He was dressed in his ice hockey equipment complete with his Washington Capitalsjersey and wearing his winter boots. And that moment was bittersweet. I simultaneously loved the moment and realized that it would be over soon.
We’re lucky (most months of the year) to have a long mostly flat driveway. It’s been perfect for the kids to ride bikes, play tennis, ride their scooters and yes, play hockey. Meanwhile Kona on the Big Island is on the side of a volcano, so many driveways are short and quite steep. So having our own little playground right outdoors very well may be a thing of the past.
We’re also lucky to have a lot of bike paths set into wooded areas with playgrounds. The kids and I walked to the one playground and spent a good hour there playing with friends. There were cattails and as I discovered they’re a lot of fun to open up and let the wind scatter the fuzzy seeds all through the air.
And as I sat there, I started to have doubt. I started to think of how great certain aspects of our lives were here and how many of those things would be gone after the move. Sure, they’d be replaced with other aspects, but in that moment, I was happy to be at the playground watching my kids play with their friends and watching the cattail seeds scatter about like magic pixie dust. And it made me wonder if this is the right thing for them.
It’s so easy to doubt change. And so easy to stay with the status quo because it’s known. It’s much harder to change especially when you’re a bit unsure of what you’re changing too. I can’t picture my life in Hawaii yet so it seems even scarier than if I knew how long it’d take to find a decent house to rent or what we’re going to do about a car.
I know in my heart it’s the right move for all of us. And I can’t wait to get there and start our new lives. But in some of those quiet moments, it’s hard not to have a little doubt.